Star Wars Episode II - Attack of the Clones - masterpiece of next

In my last post I explored the themes and ideas of George Lucas' misunderstood masterpiece The Phantom Menace. The sequel is perhaps the target of even more malignant vitriol, opinionated fanboys picking it apart for a myriad of petty reasons. The rifftrax is still hilarious and well worth checking out, but on its' own the film is actually a flawless masterpiece that expands upon the complex metaphysical and mythological ideas of The Phantom Menace. 

Attack of the Clones opens with an assassination attempt, and fingers are pointed at Count Dooku, a renegade jedi and separatist leader. Obi-Wan and an older Anakin are brought in to protect Padme. Immediately Anakin, no doubt forbidden to masturbate by the rigid jedi code, starts drooling over Padme and spewing misguided compliments in an attempt to get her attention (it's Natalie Portman, who wouldn't?). Right off the bat it's evident why Anakin is sulky and moody, and it's not hard to see why. Not only is he neutered by the strict Jedi dogma, but the childish free spirit he exhibited in Episode 1 is completely stifled by his gay new Jedi haircut (apparently masters are spared the humiliation) and Obi-Wan's smug, superior attitude. It's no wonder big annie is frustrated and has no skills with the ladies, Obi-Wan has made him his bitch. Apparently the Jedi code also forbids competence and good sense, because when an attempt is made on the life of Padme by a remote controlled robot drone Obi-Wan leaps out the window onto it several thousand feet high in the air as it whizzes away to god knows where, while Anakin does the sensible thing and finds a speeder to chase after the assassin and save his "masters" ass. I thought Obi-Wan put protection of the senator before finding her attacker, but never mind, he's rescued by Anakin (for the second time apparently). To my utter amazement and bewilderment Obi-Wan thanks Anakin for rescuing him by making snide remarks. It's not hard to see why Anakin turned to the dark side, it really isn't, but I guess that's the point, it's showing us how the doubt, jealousy and arrogance projected by others frustrated and confused him. When Anakin leaps from the speeder and lands perfectly on the assassins' speeder Obi-Wan says "I hate it when he does that" while looking typically useless. Everyone keeps second-guessing Anakin and doubting him while he doesn't even have to try and just does it. Apparently because he's the "chosen one" he is often wrong and needs his hand held, while it's evident that he knows exactly what to do all the time without even thinking about it or trying, pretty much the force incarnate. 

The real assassin gets away and the Jedi suddenly decide it's important to find the attacker, so Obi-Wan is expelled from the Jedi order for his incompetence and recklessness. Only joking, he's tasked with finding the assassin, so he goes sleuthing (which is done for him by others) while Anakin is rewarded for his good work with a bodyguard assignment, tasked with protecting Padme at a retreat on Naboo. He gets to carry her luggage while she teases him with provocative dresses and indecisively half kisses him. It's clear what will happen, and he knows it, while she denies and and doubts because of her high and mighty senator status. The Jedi council thought it would be a good idea to keep him close to the woman he pines for, despite forbidding love as a weakness and sensing great danger in him. There is a complex society in the Star Wars prequels, complete with politics, cultures and factions, and I think the films sort of show how society thrives on doubt, false dogmas and rituals and paranoia. The Jedi Order is very paranoid and enclosed, and very dogmatic and elitist. It's a complex world of argument and indecision that collapses under that weight and causes many casualties, including Anakin, changing him from a very natural, happy kid into a stiff, miserable, depressed, mechanical adolescent. He's already a cyborg, unnecessarily supported by the malfunctioning, poorly designed, second rate machine of space society. Or whatever they call it in the star wars universe. Spaciety maybe. 

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan takes the poison dart taken from the dead assassin and takes it to one of his contacts, a multiple armed fat alien who owns a diner, probably Obi-Wan's supplier. Apparently the dart was made by the Kaminoans, a race of cloners, as Dex can tell by the shape of the dart. Hilariously, he remarks about the Jedi not being able to differentiate between knowledge and wisdom. A local diner owner is able to identify the dart but Obi-Wan is not. So Obi-Wan goes to the Jedi archives to try and locate the planet, which turns out to be absent from the star charts. He asks the archive keeper and she smugly tells him "if the system is not in the archives, it does not exist," before walking off with her nose in the air. I think Anakin enjoyed his Jedi Temple killing spree in Revenge of the Sith, I really do. Totally clueless, Obi-Wan goes to Yoda and some toddlers for assistance. Yoda says something poetic about "gravity's shadow" which I liked, and patronizes Obi-Wan (something I think he's used to), by asking the children for an answer. Almost immediately, one of the children tells Obi-Wan that it must have been erased from the archive memory, and Yoda quips about how wonderful the mind of a child is while Obi-Wan leaves totally unaware of how startlingly stupid everyone finds him. Yoda leaves to "meditate." 

So off he heads to the mystery planet, which turns out to be a stormy ocean planet of mushroom dome cities on stilts. Entering a bright white epileptic nightmare of a building, he is greeted as if he was expected by a tall thin white alien, and wonders if it was a good idea to use DMT to discover the identity of the assassin. Totally miffed, he just plays along as the Kaminoan prime minister tells him about the army they've cloned for the republic, sanctioned by Jedi Master Sifo Dyas a decade earlier. Apparently the Jedi don't know about it, although I wouldn't be surprised if they'd just forgotten about it. He soon finds out that the original host for the clone is unimpressive manager of young bounty hunters Jango Fett, who answers his questions as suspiciously as he can before fleeing after a short battle with Obi-Wan. He decided to take his beloved son with him instead of leaving him at the safe cloning facility. Truly Obi-Wan has met his equal. 

Meanwhile Anakin has a troubling dream about his mother being in danger. Wisely defying Obi-Wan's instructions he heads to Tatooine in search of his mother, who it turns out has been kidnapped by Tusken Raiders. In one of many Star Wars scenes lifted from the classic western The Searchers, Anakin goes in search of his mother, and finds her half dead in a tent. Hayden Christensen's acting is actually very good and believable in this scene, in which is at last has emotional release, taking out his pent up rage and grief on the Tusken Raiders. Here we have the biggest contrast between childhood Anakin and Jedi-ified Anakin, who laments about his rosebud of fixing things before going on a raging tantrum about how it's not fair and he wants power over his destiny and those of his loved ones. Why not indeed? 

Obi-Wan goes to Geonosis in search of Fett and discovers the separatist plot to turn on the republic before being quickly and easily captured. 

Back on Coruscant Jar Jar is manipulated into convincing the senate to give the republic army to Chancellor Palpatine to counter the threat.

Resentful of the Jedi and everything but loosened by his release, Anakin responds to Obi-Wan's distress call, and he and Padme and the droids find themselves amidst a massive droid factory. In one of the best action sequences of the film that is often criticized for being like a video game, they find themselves at the mercy of a massive machine. There's some great symbolism here as Anakin has his arm clamped in a piece of metal on a conveyor belt and struggles to reach for it as it moves along. He is constantly struggling to keep control within the machine of the galactic society. As he struggles he is freed once again by machine, but they're soon captured and tied up to stone pillars in an arena for execution. Unsurprisingly this is where they find Obi-Wan, who sarcastically jabs at Anakin after he came to rescue him. What a f-----g prick. Three beasts are released, one a spider like creature for Obi-Wan, one a three horned raging beast for Anakin, and one a furry claw bastard with two sets of eyes. Count Dooku, not such a bad guy, prefers this method to having them shot. No wonder he went renegade, how could the Jedi tolerate such a flamboyant eccentric? In a series of flukes they escape, although Padme has her back scratched by the furry claw bastard, and squeals out in pain. This really turned me on. Soon the Jedi come to the rescue and go to battle against the droid army, but are soon surrounded, before being rescued by Yoda who brings the clone army, which starts the clone wars. The Jedi start a galactic war to save their own, how noble this religious order is. As the clones go into battle Anakin and Obi-Wan confront Dooku. Anakin is temporarily disabled by force lightning and then Dooku insults Obi-Wan before giving him a small slash which renders him totally inactive. Meanwhile Anakin, infused with electricity by his foe, leaps into action with two lightsabers, one of which is lost, leaving him to fight Dooku, who is clearly taken aback. The camera focuses on their faces rather than the fight choreography, showing how effortlessly Anakin matches Dooku, free of all struggle and running on the automation of the underlying force. Soon however, the deceiptful Dooku cuts off his arm, and once again his power and control is lost. Yoda comes into the save the day but he too is cheated as Dooku the deceiver runs away leaving Yoda to rescue the two jedi from the stone column about to crush them. The force is synchronous, and those that realize this are more in tune with it, which is why Dooku is such a brilliant fighter and schemer. 

The battle won, but the war begun, Anakin and Padme get married. We see Anakin's cybernetic replacement for his arm as he holds hands with Padme and they get married, the marriage between the cold male cybernetics and his female counterpart. Everyone in the film is a robotic pawn, and the Jedi, enamoured with their religion and order in an elitist, materialist sense, are blind to this, especially Obi-Wan, but maybe he has to be. Anakin is the ultimate pawn, a pawn of the force, so it makes sense that he would end up destroying this unnecessary mess of a spaciety. It's a great end to a great film. I personally don't enjoy it as much as The Phantom Menace, but it is brilliant, and I can't wait to review Episode III.